Are You a Giver or a Taker? Read This to Find Out
It's a common question that is asked - "are you a Giver or Taker?" It may seem like an easy question to answer but it could be more complicated than you think.
In this blog post we'll discuss what being a Giver or Taker really means and how it can affect your relationship with others.
Let's look at the positives and negatives of being a Giver
Giving is an amazing personality trait to have, but it can also be your downfall. Giving people are genuinely caring, empathetic and kind. They really care about others feelings and want the best out of their relationships with everyone they meet! This personality type always wants to help so much that sometimes they become overbearing in friendships or even at work which can also create tension and conflict. In a relationship, the Giver/Taker relationship may have issues on the horizon due to their contrasting philosophies.
For the Taker, the giving can never be enough. The Giver keeps on giving and the Taker continually requires a never ending 'topping' of their well. The Giver in the relationship accepts many forms of manipulation from the Taker because they are unable to receive. Another way of looking at this is that the 'Giver' lives a life that is 'selfless' while the 'Taker' lives a life that is 'selfish'. Takers can be identified to have features of narcissism.
Signs you might be a Giver:
Gives freely of money, possessions, time, energy and love.
Loves to give without others knowing about it.
You Give (Re) Gifts For No Reason
Giving is a means to feeling a part of a group to which he or she contributes.
Views hospitality as an opportunity to give.
Handles finances with wisdom and frugality.
Quickly volunteers to help where a need is seen.
Seeks confirmation on the amount to give.
ls very industrious with a tendency toward success.
Has natural and effective business ability.
Likes to get the best value for the money spent.
You Return Everything You Borrow
Do not ask for help
Over give to other when you first meet them
Love to give advice
Often send thank you notes, emails, texts
Never remind others when they owe you something
Doing for others "feels good"
If you identify with being a Giver, here's what you should do:
Learn to start doing small favours that take no longer than 5-minutes. Set a small goal to start limiting your generous 'giving' with this boundary. This might be with introductions, feedback, or offering advice. Even if you are doing favours to help out your co-workers, partner, or friends, start with only doing the 5 minute favour. This will strengthen your relationships.
Start asking for help! It is worth noting that asking others for help actually builds healthier relationships. It allows others the opportunity to contribute to your life, and then feel fulfilled by doing this for you.
As a final note, you might consider 'giving' to specific others that require your help on a specific day of each week. This will place boundaries for you to not overstretch yourself with your giving traits to the point where you will lose yourself in a constant daily state of selflessness for others.
Signs you might be a Taker:
Takers love the word "I" and "me"
Only show up if there is something in it for them
Never or rarely reciprocate
Do not listen to others
Rarely will ever reach out or contact others
Taker often are never satisfied with other
If you see traits of being a Taker in you, here's what you might consider:
Begin a journey to practice gratitude and start to become intentional on appreciating others in your life including family, friends, and co-workers. Intentional gratitude needs to be intentional in order to move you out of your state of 'wants' and 'needs' from others.
Learn to schedule a person once a week to help them, connect with them, be with them without any motives but to just connect and be with them. Let yourself learn to become unintentional in how you share these moments and learn to live outside of yourself for others.
Learn to start doing small 'nice' things for others with no intention, except to make someone else's day brighter, remembered, important, valued and meaningful.
Lastly, Takers can easily become defensive or reactive when confronted by others with their over-focus on themselves. Remember, others may see you as manipulative, lacking empathy and not caring and selfish. All of this leads you to a life of aloneness. Remember the bigger picture of life, and what impact being selfish has on you long term.
We all need others in life, to find true deeper inner meaning and purpose. Our growth as a human being can only happen through others in 'intentional' relationships
Still not sure where you belong? Find out if you are a Giver/Taker in your relationship with this quiz.
Be well,
Ian